February Run Stats

On the treadmill trying to get one last run in well and Zumba fail!

Somehow I ran less in February but burned more calories.... I'm glad I'm doing well on my resolution though, run more days than not! I ran 15 days in Februrary, 29-15=14. I win. I was sick the last seven days of February so I think I did ok! I ran 3.31 miles a day in January and only 2.58 a day in February. I'm doing great staying healthy though and might even, maybe, run a marathon in May. Maybe! 

About the Zumba fail.... I thought I was going to be late because there was a fire drill right as class started. I stuck around and waited for class, I moved in the back next to a big Indian man. The music started and we were gyrating back and forth. That lasted about 47 seconds until I tripped over my own feet and stumbled into the gentleman next to me. I will probably never do zumba again. Good news is it  got me on the treadmill to accomplish over 50% runs! WIN/WIN!

January

February


Last day of February but it's finally a winter wonderland in MN! 

Guest Blogger-Fern talks about running.

Here I am mapping our run, I'm a withz on a mac

Hi guyth, I think my mom hath introduthed me before. I'll make thith brief becauth I'm kind of thelf conthiouth about my lithp.

We went for a run yetherday and it wath great! I plotted our route on Mapmyrun and originally I only plotted 3 mileth but mom took me four! We didn't go very fatht but it was a beautiful night for a run! Thankth Mom!

Ithn't the thun beautiful behind our new watertower?

Mom took thith of me, uthually when she let'th go, I take
off but today, I jutht stayed.

Here'th a view of my favorite park. 

I love running around thith park too, I get to thniff a lot of butt-th.

Mom was tho annoyed at me becauth I kept tripping her, thorry mom!

Thith ith my favorite bridge to pee on.

Mom mutht have taken thith of me, I love a good action shot.
Check out my form!

Finally we're home! Thith ith the view from our house!

Thanks, Fern, for guest blogging for me today! Little side note, Fern just had his yearly appt and my little snuggley puggle is 38.2 lbs, he should be 26. The vet compared him to a 350lb human and said anything an overweight human has trouble with, the same goes for a dog. At this weight he is susceptible to diabetes, high cholesterol, and a multitude of other weight related diseases. Fern is currently on a no treats diet and a cup of food a day, and we're running every day. Make sure you make your pet's health as important as your own!

Love, Fern's mommy

I just wanna run!

So I spent last night having those weird feverish dreams about Andy Griffith as Andy Taylor in The Andy Griffith Show, Trendy Tops, and Philly cheese steaks. I didn't eat much yesterday and watched Man vs Food around 1:30 before I finally dozed off. Then on, and off again. I called my boss about 4am letting her I was probably just going to rest again today. I can't remember the last time I took a sick day and was actually so sick. My hair might look fabulous in the picture below but in reality, it's so greasy it stays exactly how it looks. Both awesome and not.

I felt like I was getting sick on Tuesday night but really wanted to workout so I went to spin instead of just relaxing. Bad idea #1.

As you know, I tried hot yoga Sunday and it's all I wanted to do all week while Husby was gone and instead, I'm in bed watching reruns of Grey's Anatomy(the upside here is that I just found out why the call Eric Dane McSteamy!). I was so bored yesterday and it was so nice and sunny I went outside and shoveled. Bad idea #2. Now on top of being sick, I'm so very sore. 

Bad idea #3? I got out of bed at 12:30 this morning and made myself an ice cream sundae with marshmallows, chocolate chips, coconut, and cookies and cream ice cream. 

On the bright side of things, New top score on Temple Run. Driveway is shoveled. Get to spend the day with Furbaby. 

I'm so bored and it's so nice outside that all I want to do is go for a run but I don't even have the energy to shower, I don't think a run will do a body good. Maybe hot yoga?! 

I took this yesterday while I was shoveling.

Sick day 1, maybe it won't be so bad!

Sick day 3, it's so bad.

How I've been living, in bed, kleenex on the left, Fernando
on the right.

My life isn't tragic.

It's not. There isn't anything about my life that makes it out of the ordinary. I mean, I guess my paternal grandpa passed away before I was born but, other than that. I can't think of anything that would make anything about my life traumatic.

This post makes me anxious because I don't want to be judged and it's a part of myself I haven't told anyone, about even my best friends. Another friend is being very courageous today and writing about his adoption so I wanted to honor him and write about something that, for me, takes equal courage.

I had depression. I don't know, do I still have it? Is it like herpes? Once you have it, you have it for life? I suppose maybe it's more like cancer, it's there but goes into remission. Again, my life isn't traumatic, I have nothing to be depressed about. Currently I'm in "remission" but college was tough. I had everything going for me, I ran cross country, I was on Dean's list, I had wonderful friends, I liked my job, I like school. There wasn't anything to be sad about, but I was. Nothing made me happy. It was like I just kind of lived in the shell of my body without any emotion. I went to student health services and they started me on prozac. Bad idea. If I was a limp noodle before, now I was a limp noodle that didn't fall back out of the strainer and had hardened to the bottom. It was like I became more depressed. One night I hit rock bottom. I took a piece of glass and tried to slit my wrists. I mean, I did slit my wrists, I have the scars. I guess, like Pool, thankfully I'm just no good at suicide. I guess, situationally, I'm lucky because I had almost cut the tendons that control my hands. Since I used a piece of glass, it was raggedy and wouldn't have been repairable. I'm sure not being able to use my hands would have made my depression WAY better.

Everything was kind of hazy. I remember being brought up to the psych ward and thinking I didn't belong there. They had cut the strings out of my sweatpants and took my shoelaces, should I think it was a good idea to try it again. My parents came, my sister, my aunt, friends. Nobody understood why I was there. I don't think I really understood why I was there. I hadn't really thought about killing myself before that night but it just seemed right. Like, everybody's life would be better without me weighing them down. They tried to make me go to therapy but I quit, there wasn't anything in my life to make me sad so there really wasn't anything to talk about. About a year later, I tried again, clearly unsuccessful. I think the second time I was just so tired and didn't want to be a part of life anymore, it was more a cry for help than a suicide attempt.

Without the intention of doing so, I think these episodes ruined my mom's life. She was a lifelong Christian but the thought of God trying to take her daughter from her ruined their relationship. I think it made my mom bitter towards me because she thought it was something she had done. Our relationship has never been the same.

What people don't understand is that, in the words of Dr. Phil, It's not about you. It literally has nothing to do with any of you, how you act, react, what you say or don't. It's a chemical imbalance that just makes us sad. Sometimes I think I'm manic, I'm really, really up, then down.

I don't know why I'm embarrassed to talk about this but I am. It's something I feel ashamed of and that's not the right way to feel, I know it's not and I would never want anyone else to feel that way about it so don't know why I do.

I don't even really want to post this because I don't want friends to be upset I haven't told them. It's shame and embarrassment that I want to put behind me but every day I see my scar I think about it and how glad I am I suck at suicide.

I haven't felt depressed for, oh gosh, I don't even know how long. Which is a good thing because I have the memory of an elephant, so it means a long time. Don't get me wrong, I feel sad about things but I know better how to cope. I'm not on anti-depressants, I use running to pull me through. It's my own little prozac. Being outside (or randomly inside) admiring all that God has made and given me, makes me happy. Running is my God time, to thank him for my life and that he has given me a second, and third, chance. I love life, I love my husby, my friends, dog, family, my niece and nephew, running, just, everything. Well, except I'm home sick today. I don't love that. Se la vie!

Judge me or not, this took a ridiculous amount of courage to write and I'm proud of myself. Even if it helps one person, I'm glad I wrote it.

PS
Make sure you do all your research before you choose an anti-depressent. There have been studies that Prozac increases suicidal thoughts in youths and young adults. Google prozac and suicide, there are a bunch of results. I don't want to blame prozac but I had no thoughts of suicide before I started taking it...

GET HELP. PLEASE. For your own sake, the sake of your family, for my sake. I love friends, I'll be your bff, just don't hurt yourself!

National Suicide prevention hotline; 800-273-TALK (8233) 

AMAZING. Run.



Lake of the Isles.







Bren's bldg.























AAAUGH, SNOW! 2nd Run w/Fern.

 I was set up to run a double yesterday. I hadn’t done that since college and was SO excited. I was meeting up with a buddy from high school and we were going to do a fiver then a neighbor and I were taking the dogs for a quick two.

I arrived at Brenna’s home and we took off, it was so much fun because we jumped on one of our main trails here in the twin cities, the Greenway (It’s this AMAZING bike/run/walk path that runs through South Minneapolis) and were able to take it all the way to Lake of the Isles where we then jumped over to Calhoun. It’s one of my favorite runs because it’s also part of the Twin Cities Marathon route. Which also happens to be my very favorite marathon ever, and not just because it was my first and I’ve had a PR there. It’s because the people, race, and route are AMAZING.

Another super amazing thing about the twin cities (and why I think MN has some of the best running that running has to offer) is our lakes. Yes ladies and gentlemen, we are Minnesota, we have lakes but did you know we have a chain of lakes right in the heart of the cities?! A couple lakes I go around ALL the time are Harriet, Calhoun, Lake of the Isles, and Nokomis. Nice paved, lighted paths with a ton of people, you can see the downtown skyline, beautiful homes, dogs, friends, you name it and you will see it on this path. We finished up 5.63 miles with 8:45 average. Bren is taking it easy because she is skiing the Birkebeiner this weekend in Hayward, WI. GO BREN! I hopped in the car only to receive a text that neighbor can’t go. Boo. But would you like to know who can ALWAYS go?! Fernando! My fearless running buddy. And by fearless I mean, we only went .43 miles because it was snowing, hard, sideways.

I still got my two runs in and know I could have gone more and faster but it was fun. If anyone ever wants to hit me up for a run, I’m seriously always game.

Quick little rant… Tonight I’d love to spin then do a hot yoga class. HOWEVER, the only gym this will work at is the Saint Louis Park branch. HOWEVER, HOWEVER, the class is taught by the best, EJ. Which means…. They hand out wristbands at 5:30 for a 6 o’clock class and you have to be in line by 5:15 to get a 5:30 wristband. So is it worth it to get to the gym 45 minutes early? I guess I could run a couple miles first… I did let the dog out at noon…. I guess that also answers the question, who let the dogs out.

I think it would take me a really long time to write a book because I have no focus… Shaw, do I have ADD?

.

Adventures in Babysitting

Snack time!

Well, besides being a horrible aunt and not snapping Elyse's car seat into the base, I did ok. The kids showed up a little after 9 on Saturday morning. I'd been looking forward to this all week, they are so cute and I love them so much! Sissy took off about 9:45, the same time Husb left for fishing show. I was all alone! The good news is, the kids were amazing. As you can tell by the photos, Cayden slept almost the entire time so it was really just taking care of Elyse. She was so good and just played with her toys the entire time. Erin had them dressed so cute I wanted to get a ton of pictures but at six months, they're always moving so it's a lot more difficult to capture them. I only had to change 3 diapers! All in all it seemed like a good time and Sissy's hair looked awesome.

I can't wait until I get to babysit again!

Fern Pouting because I was ignoring him for
the babes.

Elyse and Uncle watching Top Gun

That's Hot. Yoga.

 I'm in love, I tried hot yoga for the first time tonight and it was amazing. I was nervous at first because I've only done yoga maybe 3 times before. I got to class and walked into the studio, it was hot but not unbearable. I didn't think it'd be too tough. Wrong. It was amazing. I felt like I'd had a really long week and a lot emotionally going on to think through and process and this helped. I have cried a bunch in the past couple of days and just couldn't cry anymore. For an hour I did yoga at 99 degrees and I sweat more than anything I've ever done. With each breath I sent a part of what was on my mind, out. Each breath in was part of newness taking up space in my body, not leaving room for anything else. I needed yoga tonight not just for another workout, I needed to center myself and bring me back to me. Yoga is a different kind of me time than running, it's quiet, and I focus on every move my body makes, it isn't just a natural thing that I do, it takes focus.

It's my new favorite thing, I have it on the calendar for every Sunday at 7, it's a great way to get rid of whatever happened the previous week and gets you started for the next.

The #1 reason I love the internet

Music.

I know, you’re like, “but Beth, you obviously love Social Media a ton”, and I’m all like, “I know” and you’re like “so why music?” Well, I’ll tell you why.

You know how sometimes you just CRAVE food and you can eat, and eat without being satisfied? That is sometimes how I feel about a song. Like, there is just this insatiable desire to listen to a song and I feel almost, hmmm, hollow, until I hear it. There is one song in particular that I feel this way about and what leads me to say music is the reason I love the internet.

Let me take you back to 1996 (Please reference the photos from around this time)when we had just installed our very first satellite dish. I was on TV overload since I had gone from 5 stations and an antenna to 500 crystal clear stations. Not surprisingly I spent a little bit too much time watching TV that summer. Like now, I was still very active back then and would dance around listening to MTV and a new station, MTV2. One day as I was bopping around the house listening to MTV2, a song came on. It was such an amazing song, it was loud and soulful and I just couldn’t get enough. I sat for days waiting for the song to play again. And then, two weeks later, it did. I wrote down the name of the song and band, I didn’t know what I was going to do with it but I knew I had it. It was mine, this song was mine.

Several years later, I graduated from high school and went to college at Harvard of the Midwest, Minnesota State, Mankato. I never heard the song again.

During my freshman year I heard buzz from people about this website called Napster. Apparently it was a site that allowed you to find songs and download them for free! (Disclaimer, I don’t think it was illegal yet…) Over the course of a couple of days this aching desire was gnawing at the back of my heart and mind, encouraging me to find something to fill me up. WHAT WAS IT?!!! It was a song, it was my song.



I cut my own bangs, can you believe it!?



I went on the web and did a search for the name of the band and the song title and there it was. A short 57 minutes later my 3 minute song had downloaded. I listened to it over a hundred times that day. It was such an overwhelming sense of relief and, and what’s the word I’m looking for. Comfort? To have found what it was I was searching for. Now, 15 years after I first heard that song it’s in my purchased list on my itunes and I listen to it every single time I run. On purpose, because it comforts me. I love hearing a song and almost immediately being able to purchase and listen to it.

The internet provides me comfort. I can’t remember a movie? I look it up on IMDB, want to go for a run? Logon to MAPMYRUN, hold my mail while on a trip? USPS.Com. I love the internet for so many reasons but mostly for being my immediate safety net and helping me find my song.

My Valentine's outfit I didn't get to blog
about because I've obsessively been playing Words With Friends.
Don't judge me!



1993'ish Beth







 If you’re curious and because I’m in a sharing mood, my song is Place Your Hands by Reef

Bye Colorado, or, later brah-in pics

Well, I made it back to MN in one piece with not even a bruise! I'm exhausted, my makeshift ski abilities took a lot of energy. I'll have to take some more lessons. All in all, I could totally live the ski bum life.