1. Always give yourself 5 out of 5; they take the average of your bosses score plus your score. So, even if I get a 1 from my boss(Oh I know, like I’d ever receive a one, this is HYPOTHETICAL) I still gave myself a 5 and we all know that 5+1=6/2=3. Which means, I am fully competent.
2. Don’t be an overachiever. It makes others look bad and gives you more room to fail. Set the bar low, there’s no shame in setting yourself up to “exceed (a 4 but of course we know you’re going to get a 5)” the next year. One of my goals, join the blog team. Literally I walk 5 feet to a conference room, sit through a half an hour, and walk 5 feet back to my desk. Goal accomplished. It took me three years but I learned my lesson after receiving a 2 on a goal I didn’t really care about to begin with. (PS. 5+2=7/2=3.5. See?)
3. Lie. Honestly, it’s fine. There are going to be sections you don’t agree with but companies don’t like the truth, your boss doesn’t want to hear about the negatives of the company and really, who wants to work with Debbie Downer?! It took me three days and a lot of loud music blaring through my headphones to muster up the inner strength to write something nice in one section this year. They’ll know, it’s sweet enough to give you a cavity. I figured being extra sweet and enthusiastic was my passive way of getting out how I really feel.
4. Be concise. The fewer words you use, the shorter the review process is.
5. Send emails of praise to your colleagues. No seriously, try it. Or send it to their boss. You’re going to get a BUNCH of emails back that pertain to your rockstaredness and/or awesomeness, your boss will EAT THESE UP! Plus they can be used nearly anywhere, teambuilding, communication, perhaps under your companies values. Plus, your colleagues probably really are awesome; let them know you appreciate them. Heck, send them an email right now!
6. Copy & Paste. Unless it’s your first year. Then, please review no’s. 1-5.
7. Finally, spell check. Nothing makes ME more annoyed than receiving “constructive criticism” when the grammar or spelling is poor. Don’t let this be you.
XOXO,
Fully Competent
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