When 58 seconds is more than 13 minutes

It's been a full week since I ran Maui Oceanfront. The toilet doesn't seem so low, the stairs don't seem so steep, and I'm an entire toenail lighter. 

I'm done receiving 'likes' and 'favorites', and my friends have stopped texting about how awesome running a marathon is. To which I always reply, you don't have to be smart to run. 

So here I sit, me and my Post Race Depression (PRD). It's the craziest thing, I didn't even train very long for this marathon, two and a half months to be exact. And I hired a coach so it was really easy, and besides running, took little effort on my end. So why am I so bummed? I pushed a human out of my body and within the year, made that same body run 26.2 miles. In 4 hours. Without an epidural. That shit's badass. 

But I'm not happy. I really, REALLY wanted my time to have a three in the front. 3:59:59 would have made me so proud! 

I ran a 4:00:57. My fastest previous time was a 4:13:47 which means I cut 13 minutes off my time. Baller! Except I don't feel like that. I'm so hung up on 58 seconds that I can't see how awesome 13 minutes is. Heck, my first marathon was a 4:50! Which should make me feel awesome except I always feel the need to qualify that time by interjecting that, 'it was the year they cancelled Chicago so yeah, it was hot'. Like anyone cares and like 90% of the population even knows the difference.  

So every day for the past week I stare at my time, hoping that magically, it'll change. I read and reread my splits. Willing them to be faster. Remembering the course and different spots I could have picked up 20 seconds. Or 5. Going over the race and wondering how it could have been different. 

But it doesn't change. No matter how long or hard I stare, 4:00:57 stares back. And this is why 58 seconds is longer than 13 minutes. It's lasted a week longer than if I had run a 3:59:59. 

And maybe that's why I run? I run because it's fun and (though I need to keep reminding myself) 58 seconds isn't that big of a deal, it's closer to my goal than I've ever been and a hell of a lot closer than when I started. Running isn't based on one singular race, nor should it be. Running is the culmination of the heart and soul you put into your training, the sacrifices you make to prove you have what it takes. It's the couch to 5k program you sign up for or the Disney Dopey Challenge you complete, it's the friends you make and the swag you earn. It's not one race or one time, it's a lifestyle. 

And, as we all know, the best way to kick PRD is to sign up for another race. Any thoughts?!! 

           Got some cross training in! 

    Girl after my own heart😍